Mothers Day

Hello Everyone! I am going to share my Mothers Day story with you. Let me warn you that it is a sad story and not a happy one. On Mothers Day I started my day like most other Moms... I slept in a little later then usual while Shaun and the girls were sneaking around the kitchen making me breakfast. French toast with fresh strawberries and whipped cream! Yummy! As I was eating my delicious breakfast I couldnt help but think to myself "FINALLY, today I am going to relax and do what I want to do!". I finished my breakfast and sat down in the living room getting myself all pumped up to run my first 5K. It wasn't even 10am yet but I had a feeling it was going to be a great day. Little did I know that the phone was about to ring, and my Dad would be on the other end of that call giving me the worst news I have ever received. My Mom had passed away sometime in the night while she was sleeping. I can only try to describe how I felt. The sound of Kaylee playing, Alyssa whining, and the TV just stopped all at once. The room got darker and blurry. I was walking but not on purpose. My body was stiff, my throat was closing and I had tears falling down my face. I was crushed. I took a few moments for myself to really take in the news. After about an hour I decided to run. I couldn't stay inside just waiting until we could leave for MA to be with my family. Every step I thought of her. It's no secret that my Mom and I had a difficult relationship. But I loved her with all my heart every single day, and I still do. We got to MA later that day and I sat down with my Dad, my Sisters, my Moms partner, and my Nana. We were deciding what to do with her and when to do it. All I could think about was everything I never said to her, all the times I never picked up the phone to call her, and all the not so nice things I ever said about her. Over the next couple of days we stayed in MA planning her wake and memorial service. I kept talking to her in my head, telling her over and over again that I love her and I miss her. Every time I would start to cry I would picture her sitting next to me and telling me it was okay and not to be upset. She used to do that when she could see I was upset. Of course it just made me more upset and cry even harder and want her to be there even more. When I saw my Mom's body lying in the casket at the funeral home my knees went weak and I felt as if I was going to fall on the floor. I probably would have if my Aunt didn't take me in her arms right as I was about to loose it all and fall down. My mood started to change when all of her friends and co workers started filling the funeral home and telling my sisters and me stories about my Mom. They all talked so highly of her. They remembered her as the person I hadn't seen in many years. I started to realize more and more that my Mom was finally at rest and in peace. I know now that even though she was 49 and it was very unexpected that maybe we all should have expected it just a little bit more. Because you never know when you will loose someone, it could be way before you expect it or long after. There will always be words unspoken between us now. I know now that she knows I lover her, and I know that she has accepted her place in heaven and wants us to know how much she loves us. So thank you Mom for letting me know and reminding me how much you love me! That is the best Mothers Day present I will ever get.